Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
