i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
