White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
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