so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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