it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I could make wine with my vomit
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
