Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
