Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
how does that bad decision feel?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
