They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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