Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
