Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
