i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
