i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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