Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
We had to coat check the pizza.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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