sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
