Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
