i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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