I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
We need to rekindle our bromance
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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