the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
