I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
