my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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