Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
