dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
