I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
