Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
