does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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