Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize
