i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
