I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You pole danced in your parka.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
