his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
