just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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