I wanna passion pit in your ass
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize