So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
