I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
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