She said her name was "party"
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
