I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
