Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
