He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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