I could have mohawked her pubes.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
