the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
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