He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
