i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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