i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Shame - the story of my life.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
