You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
