so that wasnt chicken after all
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
