Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
