just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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