I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
