All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
id be glad to
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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