the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
