stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
