Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
