Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
