You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i dont even know how to be here
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Randomize
