Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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