from now on my penis is your penis
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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