Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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