and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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