then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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