The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
