I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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