she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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