Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
