i think i have two assholes
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
