I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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