I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
