Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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