Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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