I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
