he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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