he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
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I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
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You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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