There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
you would pick up someone in the library
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
we're so committed to being not committed
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
