This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
