Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
