Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
