We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
