I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
