Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
