i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
We have so much sex to catch up on
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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