So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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