Tell her she can't have a vagina
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
